Saturday, September 20, 2008

Welcome Yinzers!

I would like to be the official welcome wagon for all of you Stiller fans coming to the City of Brotherly Love and Lincoln Financial Field to see your Stillers face our Iggles. After all, we're from the same state. Here's photographic proof:

I feel I am very qualified to give you a bit of an orientation to our fine city. I am an alumni of THE Pennsylvania State University, so I have hung around with my fair share of denizens of the 'Burgh such that I feel I can adequately translate things you'll see in Philadelphia with those things you might already be familiar with and maybe some things you may not be familiar with.

If there is one thing I have learned about native Pittsburghers is that you folks are very proud of Pittsburgh. Huzzah for you! As such, I would like to provide a little primer on some of the things we are proud of and relating them to your Western Pennsylvania experience.

History/Identity. Philadelphia is one of the oldest cities in America and is full of history. The signing of the Declaration of Independence. The Constitution was written here. The home of Ben Franklin. Basically, Philadelphia is the cradle of liberty, if you will. Much like Pittsburgh, the city has undergone changes from industrial powerhouse to center of finance, healthcare, and communication.

Pittsburgh does not have near the history of Philadelphia, but is now counted amongst the best places to live by magazines such as Forbes and Money magazine.

Of course, these were the same magazines that were saying things in 2007, such as "Merrill Lynch is in damned good shape!" and "AIG is a stock to buy now!", so I'm quite sure those livability rankings are nothing short of iron-clad.

Fresh Air. I know all about Picksburgh, n'at. Learned it from Sienna Miller. She sent me the following picture taken, no doubt, from her high powered Hollywood camera:

Wow, that picture looks like the city of LA farted on top of the Monoghehela.

So, feel free to enjoy the fresh air here in Philadelphia, as it appears that Pittsburgh has the worst air quality in the USA according to the American Lung Assocation. Philadelphia may have one of the highest murder rates in the country, but at least you don't have to worry about the air you breathe while you're here.

Transportation. I've seen the movie "Witness". I know you Western Pennsylvanians travel a little differently than we do.

So, just to let you know, my Yinzer friend, we have the sort of transportation you don't have to feed oats to; as a matter of fact, we have a state funded organization that will take you to the game for a small fee using a mode of transportation that is futuristic and such. Like, George Jetson futuristic. Enjoy the ride! Afterall, SEPTA is a good example of your Western PA tax dollars at work!

Baseball. There is this whole other sport called "baseball", where a guy standing 60 feet from another guy tries to use a round bat to hit a round ball that one guy throws at the other. Pretty cool sport. Our local team, the Phillies, are in a pennant race right.

Just thought I'd bring you up to speed on this, because I'm fairly certain you guys don't have a baseball team anymore.

Current Pop Culture. Philadelphia has a long pop culture history, ranging from the early days of rock and roll, with Bill Haley and the Comets getting their start here all the way to current times, with Actor Will Smith and Director M. Night Shyamalan hailing from Philly. The FX show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" has proven to be very popular and seems to be getting stronger with each season. And, of course, there are the "Rocky" movies.

I'm sure you, the native 'Burgher, can relate to this rich and deep pop history, with movies based in Pittsburgh such as "The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh" and TV shows such as "Queer as Folk".

Musically, Donnie Iris heads up the Pittsburgh hit parade and I can only guess that the Village People are from Pittsburgh, based on the obvious homage to that 70's supergroup from your hometown Stillers:

You see? We're not so much different, my Yinzer friend. I hope that this little guide has helped you, my Iron City drinking amigo become a little more familiar with our fair city. Who knows? Maybe the next Governor of PA will like you guys as much as the current Governor likes Philadelphia.

1 comment:

Kulp said...